Okay so my vacation started out ok. I went home on the 23rd and i spent time with my parents and we even went to my aunts for an early christmas with them. Than that night on the 23rd i found out that my 10 year old cousin Avery died. My mom told me that there was an accident and told me that Avery was hit by and 18 wheeler. Well that is when my vacation just started to suck. I could stop crying and i couldn't stop thinking about him. On christmas we went to my Tounte DeeDee's house and i was about to ask my aunt if i could go with her down to Virginia for the funeral when she asked me first. The day after christmas is when we started to head down. I couldn't believe that avery was dead and i didn't want to believe it. All i wanted was a phone call and to find out that he was alive and it was a fluke and that when we got there i could see him smile at me and that he would run into my arms like he used to when he was younger. He did that to me every time i saw him except this time. We got to the hotel room that night and the next day was the funeral. Well we got there and i was doing ok and i was being strong until one of the ladies that worked at the funeral home came out of one of the rooms and there he was. He was just lying there in the casket. It was open casket and that was the last day that i saw him and he couldn't even run into my arms like he used to. When we used to visit my aunt at her house when avery lived with her he would start to run towards my parents with open arms. My parents to open there arms expecting a hug but he would run right past them and come to me. He did that all the time and then when he was 4 he was taken away from us. I didn't see him for 4 years and when he was 8 he came to my Tounte Sue's house for easter. I looked at him and i said "Avery?" He looked at me and then he ran into my arms again because he remembered me after all those years and i could tell that i made a big impact on him if he could remember me after all those years. I was so happy to see him and i didn't see him again for 2 years and that is when i found out that he had died. I don't know what to do anymore. I loved him so much and i was going to try to find out how to get in touch with him and now i wish that i did keep in touch with him cause than maybe he wouldn't have gone down to his moms house and maybe he would be alive right now and i would have been able to spend time with him over vacation because i was in attleboro for a week and he lived in Pawtucket RI. I would have been so close to him and if i had known that the last time i saw him than maybe i could have seen him more and kept in touch and make sure that everything was ok. But i didn't do that but i saw his sisters Natasha and Kiana and i gave them my addresses and phone numbers and i am going to keep in touch with them cause i will not make the same mistake that i made with avery. AVERY I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU AND I WILL MISS YOU. PLEASE RIP. I KNOW THAT WE WILL SEE EACHOTHER AGAIN AND I HOPE THAT IS NOT VERY SOON.

Well i am all done with finals. I can't wait to go home either. Well tonight which is thursday night danielle and diane and i played disney scene it. We had alot of fun and then greg johnson joined us later. After that we watched disneys treasure planet. We had alot of fun playing disney scene it and danielle won first place in all of the rounds that we played. Diane has never seen treasure planet so we watched it so she could see it. Including greg has never really seen alot of disney movies and danielle and i have decided that i am going to bring back my disney movies that i have on dvd and we are going to make greg watch them. Well i hope that everyone has a wonderful vacationa

Sometimes i really don't know what to do when i am around my friends. Alot of my friends are getting boyfriends and girlfriends and i am the one who is still alone in the group. I just feel like i will not be able to get someone but sometimes i wonder if i will ever get to be with someone. I mean i don't even know if anyone here at college who knows me even likes me. I would like to know if anyone likes me. But i don't think that i will ever know about that. Well i guess i need to go and do more stuff.

This thanksgiving vacation i had a blast. I had my friend melissa and her fiance come up here to college and then go home with me. My grandparents came and my cousin Karizma came with them. I was so happy to be home. The only problem that we had was that my cousin Bryan was sent to the hospital the wensday before thanksgiving.
I foud out that my cousin Bryan and Cody had a fight and Cody picked up Bryan and dropped him on the ground. Bryan lost conciousness and then he had a seisure. I am glad that he is ok and he did come home either wensday night or thursday. But thanksgiving was fun other than that fight. I was so happy to see my family except that my moms cousin told my mom on thursday that her and her husband and her son was not coming and my mom was hoping that they were. But my vacation was fun and i was kind of happy to come back cause my 6yr old cousin karizma was driving me up the wall. I hope that everyone had a wonderful vacation.

Man today Courtney was really scaring me. I mean she was talking about killing herself because she was scared that Des and Tran may have gotten back together. I told her that it isn't true because Des really does care about you and even if he did than we would just deal with it. I mean after hearing that for about ten minutes i finally got up and i went up to her and talked to her and then she started to cry. At least she felt alot better after crying. Courtney is like a sister to me and i really care about her and i don't want anything to happen to her. Courtney i never ever want you to talk like that over someone again even though u really care for them. Its not worth it because you have friends and family who care about you and who would miss you way to much.

Okay so my friend Courtney likes someone alot and last night, well actually thins morning they were kissing. It was soo cute because they look so cute together. I really hope that they get together soon. I think that Courtney's mystery man is starting to like Courtney more and more because they hang out so much. Dez is a really good friend and he is like a brother to me. I dont get to see my brother Steven because he does not come to see my family. There is a problem if they get together though because of how that he is leaving next semester. I really don't know what they are going to do. I mean i really want them to get together but i dont want either of them to have their hearts broken. I know that Courtney really likes him...but we will have to wait and see what happens...good luck to both of you.

Well yesterday i found out that my ex fiance does not want to get back together because we are not meant for each other or something like that. So i go and hang with courtney. Well she likes someone and he was with us as well. I stayed at her dorm overnight and i only slept for 2 hours. In the middle of the night i hear kissing and that is when my heart started to hurt because seeing them together made me think of jason and i when we were together.
My heart hurts and i feel like there is no one i can talk to and that i am going to be alone for a long time. I really don't know what to do. I left the room once and then around 6:30am i finally left her room. I asked her if she was wondering why i was leaving so early and she said no. So now i know that she cared alot more about him than she did about a friend who was in tears.
I am supposed to go to her house this weekend too but right now i am not so sure what i want to do. I mean i would like to but he is coming and i dont want to hurt anymore. I mean i think i am going to go but i don't know what i am going to do. I like someone else too but i am not too sure that Craig and i are going to get together. I mean we are really good friends but i still feel like i am going to be alone for a while. I sometimes feel like i am going to be alone for the rest of my life. But i really hope i am not alone for the rest of my life. I can't wait to find the right guy for me and i just can't wait to be happy again.

You know that living up here at plyouth state university sucks. I only hate it sometimes because i don't get to see my family or my friends. A lot of times when i want to talk to my friends and i call them they are either not there or very busy. I tried to call my friend Amber today and i must have called her like 3 times and every time she was busy and i didn't know what to do. I have not talked to Amber in a long time.
There are a lot ofr my friends that i have not talked to in a long time and that i should call but it is either that i don't have the time to call or they are busy. I am also really hoping that my friend melissa and her fiance can come up here to plymouth and then go home with me for thanksgiving. I talk to melissa a lot online but i have not seen her in like 2 years. I miss my family that is so far away from me as well. I mean i barely see my family too and it does really really suck.
Like my cousin Brittany is in the hospital right now and i haven't seen her in like a year and i really want to see her again and make sure that she is ok. I know that she is okay but she has been going in jail and coming out of jail in the past like year. I mean i haven't seen her in like 4-5 months even though it feels like it has been longer. I love my family and friends and i want to see them but i also have to remember that i have family and friends here too. That is the good thing about being here in plymouth

This semester has been fun. I like hanging out with my friends. I have one friend who is leaving next semester and my friend courtney and i really don't want him to leave. But he cannot afford to stay here so we are trying to hang with him as much as we can this semester. We are also hoping that he will be able to come and visit us next semester.
Dez is a good friend and i hate it that he is leaving but i understand that he cannot afford it here. I also understand that he would like to see his girlfriend more as well. I was the same way last year except that my ex fiance came up here almost every weekend to come and see me. But at least he will be closer to his house and his girlfriend but hopefully he will be able to come and visit us on weekends. Dez i wish you luck with everything but please do not forget about your friends here.

I was doing so well trying to get over my ex-fiance. I have a crush on my friend Craig. I was moving on very well until my ex-fiance felt like calling me and telling me that he still cared about me and that he stilled loved me. Than all of these feelings for him came back. I had no idea what to do anymore.
I have feelings for two people and my heart is being pulled into two different directions. But now i know that i am going to be able to move on since i have not heard from my ex-fiance in a while. I am also wondering if anyone else knows how i feel right now. If someone could tell me how they delt with loving two different people at the same time. I still really like my freind Craig alot and i am hoping that at some point in time we will be able to get together. He knows that i like him but he is not ready for a relationship right now so i am giving him his space right now.

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